Web Pen Blog

OSR: Underworld: Awakening

Howard — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 02:53:23 +0000

One Sentence Review: Underworld: Awakening

Bad enough for great MST3K-style jokes yet good enough to be an entertaining diversion, the aging Underworld series at least continues to make Beckinsale look hot in a black, leather corset.

Rating: Matinee for fans of the series; Wait for DVD for fans of action; Late-Night Cable Fodder for everyone else

Rating System: Full-Price Ticket, Matinee, Wait For DVD, Late-Night Cable Fodder, I’ve Made Better Films With My Ass Camera

New Scissor Sisters Song

Howard — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 15:43:14 +0000

The song is alright, but having the video set up as a junior high play? Awesome.

OSR: Mission Impossible – Ghost Protocol

Howard — Mon, 26 Dec 2011 05:27:04 +0000

One Sentence Review: Mission Impossible – Ghost Protocol

It would seem that four films in Brad Bird can do no wrong as his leap to live-action film is every bit as exciting as his animated films.

Rating: Full-Price Ticket

Rating System: Full-Price Ticket, Matinee, Wait For DVD, Late-Night Cable Fodder, I’ve Made Better Films With My Ass Camera

OSR: Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

Howard — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 03:35:46 +0000

One Sentence Review: Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

A Game of Shadows is a charming, old-fashioned romp.

Rating: Matinee

Rating System: Full-Price Ticket, Matinee, Wait For DVD, Late-Night Cable Fodder, I’ve Made Better Films With My Ass Camera

Guaranteed Avoidance of “Glee”

Howard — Sun, 18 Dec 2011 20:35:35 +0000

“Have you seen Glee?”
“No, haven’t seen any episodes.”
“Oh, you will.”
“No, I really don’t have any interest.”
“I didn’t think I would either, but now I can’t stop. You’ll get into it.”

At this point I put on my best customer service smile and sardonically tell her, “I can guarantee you I won’t watch it.” So she leaves with this slightly annoyed look on her face.

It seems she didn’t know how she was coming across — that she was projecting her own experience on someone whose name or interests she doesn’t even know.

The fact is that I have watched roughly 3-1/2 minutes of the show. Cameron told me to find the “Vogue” video claiming it was well done. It was. Very fun. It was sung by an adult. It’s the Kids Bop aspect of the music which causes implosions of the brain much like Rebecca Black’s “Friday.”

I don’t begrudge or judge anyone who loves it either. I love hearing stories of people finding entertainment that releases their endorphins. Just don’t get all Miss Cleo on my ass. Especially when I’m not paying you $3.99 a minute.

It’s great that she found out she enjoyed something she thought was not her fast foot joint of preference. Don’t tell people they will do something like you’re a Jedi master. I wish now I had instead said, “Your mind tricks won’t work on me, Jedi scum.”